Sunday, October 26, 2008

. . . hit the wall

No new art today; just this edited picture of some piece of machinery.

I uploaded a few paintings to my flickr account last night. I had been under the impression that my art was improving with almost every piece I did. I was inspired by my photographs and trying new techniques and materials, as well as putting some different design elements into them.

When I looked at the results in flickr, I'm disappointed. . . and I can't decide whether the paintings are crap or whether the photos of the paintings are crap, or both. I know it's been a problem getting good photographs of some of the larger pieces I've done, but . . .

I think I'm just tapped out right now. . . as I said a week or so ago, I'm "mailing it in". . . playing it safe. It has something to do with the economics of the times. . . I don't want to waste paint or supplies because they're too expensive. It has something to do with worrying about my future, about whether I'll have to go back to work in a real job. That prospect looms large, assuming that anyone wants to hire a 58-year-old woman who hasn't done much of anything in the business world for six years, and pay me enough to make it worthwhile to get in the car and drive to said job. Thanks to the current economic mess, my husband's guaranteed pay has been cut by 50%, but at least he has a job, unlike many of his fellow workers in the automobile industry. The stress is really hitting him hard. . . he's sick all the time with various ailments that he knows are stress-related but nevertheless have symptoms that are quite real.

So I guess I can sit around feeling sorry for myself and bitching, or I can do something to help out. I'm floudering right now. . . waiting for the Universe tell me what to do. . . does that really work?


Catherine said...

Oh, Mary - your work is always intriguing but it's understandable about the $$$ worries. I keep thinking that I *ought to* save more, spend less - use it up, wear it out or do without but I suspect that intense self-sacrifice may not solve the country's problems or relieve ours...hoping we both find that happy medium.

Catherine said...

I get a Note from the Universe every week day. Today it said

When you look around you, Jersey, at those in the world who flourish, thrive, laugh, and love - with friendships, adventure, even abundance - aren't they, more often than not, first and foremost, the dreamers?

You so have it made,
The Universe

Hope it's true.

Mary Buek said...

Catherine: I'm studying that quote and I'm trying to think of a dreamer I know, at the same time reading "Loving Frank", a novel about Frank Lloyd Wright and his married mistress. He was certainly a dreamer. It's a provocative thought . . .