Thursday, May 28, 2009

. . . disputed the notion




that this blog was about art. . . Monday's post was a soap opera. Yes, it was for some reason a very hard day for me, and I would like to thank every one that commented, because as you all know, it helps to realize that one is not unique. . . or alone. . . and that others have gone through similar circumstances and have emerged as good as ever.


Browsing at the bookstore yesterday, I came across a book that told how to deal with unexpected crises in life. I thumbed through it, came across a bold print heading: "Denial is not a river in Egypt." I am so much in denial that I didn't read that portion, put the book down, and did not buy it. Inertia, ennui, laziness, and denial. . . pretty well sums up my mindset at the moment. But I know I'll get over it. I just have to.


Here is a lousy shot of my red painting, the third in the cruciform series. Is three a series? Despite my efforts to straighten out the picture, it is probably even more crooked than it was when I took it. But I did want to show the red portion, because honestly, it just glows. Many layers of different reds, with glazes mixed in, painted in the "Betsy style" of heavy applications of paint smeared around and mixed on the surface. I spent way too much time yesterday driving around looking for four stretcher bars, each 36" long. Wouldn't you think that places advertising themselves as art supply stores would have those? Couldn't find them, all out of stock. When I do get those stretcher bars, this painting will go over my family room fireplace, along with the others that have piled up.


I love the internet and blogs. . . I didn't realize how fortunate I was to have such supportive friends, and again, I thank all of you who commented. You will never know how much it helped me. Love to all. . .

10 comments:

Miki Willa said...

This painting is so vibrant! It is really exciting and uplifting. I know red can bring out many emotions, but for me, this painting brings out joy.

Jazz said...

That painting is spectacular. I love the red, and I love the "cross". To me it looks like something splitting open, and I don't doubt for a minute there's something great behind there.

Leslie Avon Miller said...

I just read all your comments from the last post. Isn’t the blogging community just great? Bless your heart Mary. Just bless your heart. Lauren’s comments brought tears to my eyes. What a lovely affirmation of who you really are.

I love the red painting.

4roomsandthemoon said...

The red painting is beautiful.

I just read your previous post about the impending divorce - it is so very difficult. Although it is impossible to believe now - this is going to be okay. You really will emerge a different and whole person, and you really will like that person very much! However difficult it seems now, there is nothing worse than living life with someone who doesn't love you as you should be loved - as you deserve to be loved! I've been through it - with three small children. I came out of it strong, determined, and so much the better, the happier. I never found another partner, but I rather like living alone now. I make my own rules, and my own mistakes. You will find a job when the time is right for you to work - even in this economy there are jobs out there. Peace will come.
Olivia

HeartFire said...

Mary,
That is a great painting, love the red... somehow, it reminded me of this: I was in a job once that was making me crazy and so in my office I hung a poster picture of one of those dramatic slip red rock canyons with a dark crack in it. I always thought of it as the crack in the wall that I would eventually walk thru to get to the other side (out of that job)... it was a reminder to me there was that opening. And love that quote you had about denial too. I was journaling this morning about self-acceptance and naming the issues and how it would help me move thru them, rather than resisting (denying)... Thought I'd share all that, yes I agree the internet is wonderful, you're not alone. More virtual hugs to you and glad you are painting. You are too good an artist not to....

self taught artist said...

okay stop judging your work
this is good stuff. who cares if it is a series, its work and its good.
just make art and leave the mind behind for other things right now eh?

Mary Buek said...

Miki: Thank you for your comment. You know I love red. . . bright orangey-red. It makes me happy, too.

Jazz: Ooh, I like "splitting open", great name for the painting, don't you think?

Leslie: My niece Lauren is a lovely person, beautiful and kind. She is one of eight wonderful nieces that I am lucky enough to have (and three nephews, too.) I am blessed with a great family.

Olivia: I can't thank you enough for your kind words. I can't imagine going through this with small children. I agree with everything you said. Having never lived by myself, I find that I am pretty much enjoying it. I love being able to eat a popsicle for dinner if I want to. Or getting up at 4:00 a.m. and piddling around in the studio. Very freeing, if lonely at times. But I was lonely many times before, too. It's better being lonely by yourself than being lonely with someone right beside you.

Heart: What a great way to handle the crazy job. Did you ever take that walk through the crack? Thank you for the supportive words of wisdom.

Paula: Thanks so much for your comment. Coming from you, it means a lot. I wish you were near me, because I need to clean out my basement/studio, and I know I have stuff down there you would put to great use. I'll take some pictures of the stuff when I finally get down to the decluttering the basement.

HeartFire said...

Mary,
Yes, I did get thru that crack in the wall and re-invented my job the last couple of years of my career to be more satisfying, even including a little art (imagine, in a federal government office, I helped teach the Artist's Way!!)... then really went thru the crack... retired! Full time play and art now... couldn't be better. But I always reminder that symbolism, that change is always a possibility. I think we create what we need or want when we're ready.... So, take it easy on yourself and play a lot!

self taught artist said...

can't wait to see the basement :)
if i could figure out where i was living i would stop by in my 25 ft long truck filled with scrap and pick it up!

Carol Wiebe said...

"Living well is the best revenge."

Abandonment is an ugly state to be in--it's public and hurts like hell, and you have to find your self all over again somehow because the self you thought you were has been obliterated.

But if you can get there, to that place of living well, you will once again realize how amazing you are. I have seen this happen quite a number of times, Mary--it WILL happen for you. Think Phoenix.

The red painting says it all: it "just glows."