Sunday, March 6, 2011

were absolutely terrified


(Terrific trash heap, don't you think?)


Not long ago I listened to an interview of a famous photographer who was, on occasion, terrified when she went into her darkroom/studio. She was afraid it would be the last time she would create anything.



(Another trash heap, this one created by me)


I, too, am terrified. I'm terrified that I have already created the last thing I'll ever create that worth anything,




(All these collages are old, hidden away on my computer)


and I didn't realize it at the time.




(Because I haven't created anything for a while)

I am not necessarily thinking about anything sellable, just something that will satisfy me. The talent I see on the internet is staggering. Overwhelming. Creativity gone wild. Besides, Target and Home Goods sell perfectly agreeable art at prices that even I could afford (well, maybe not that cheap) so why would anyone buy my art.




(So I'm whining about it now)

And the fact remains, I haven't created anything good enough in months. I am reluctant to go down to the studio: it's too cold down there, it's too dark, it's a mess and I can't find anything I need because it's all packed up and I don't want to unpack because what if I have to move again and then I would have to pack it all up again. Oh, I have every excuse. . . yet I know the real reason. I'm afraid I won't be able to do it any more.

I've been through something like this before, many times even. I know something will happen that will see me through but I also know I need to keep working, making crap until I don't make crap any more. And I can't do that unless I go downstairs. Maybe that rodent of Betsy's and Joe's, whether human or animal, has something to do with my ennui. Perhaps it's time to banish that rodent. (Latest clue in rodent identification and entrapment: a chicken bone on the living room rug.)

11 comments:

lyle baxter said...

whats wrong with you??? your pics on the blog are wonderful! you need to think spring and unpack those supplies! paint some colorful spring things that make you smile! I'll be watching!

artistamyjo said...

Keep working kiddo you have done some amazing art before and you'll do it again.
We all get bleak spots where we stop believing in what we do.It is part of the creative soul,normal or as normal as an artist gets !
Consider the critter a fan, maybe alter that chicken bone.Hugs, Amy

A Creative Dream... said...

Maybe it isn't about your definition of "good enough"... maybe it is all about the process... let us judge if it's good enough. Personally, I think it is fabulous.

Our fear can do two things to us, it can paralyze us, or it can push us forward. That rodent won't stay if it finds enough evidence of a human... besides they make great rodent traps. Grab a small heater, an extra light, and go claim your space and your creativity.

Leslie Avon Miller said...

You know what to do. Once you get your hands in it, you'll wonder why you didn't do it sooner.

P.S. Buy a heater and a light. Modern day versions of a chicken bone. ;o)

xxoo

Jann Gougeon said...

I know the "place" you speak of. It too visits me from time to time.

ArtPropelled said...

On no .... you gotta get rid of the rodent and then down to the bilges you go .... or create art in your kitchen! There are some very yummy pieces here. I have no doubt, once you start, you will create wonders.

ArtPropelled said...

I Tumblred my favourite and before I'd even finished adding your link, three people had already pounced. This one is hot!

http://artpropelled.tumblr.com/post/3698731204/mary-buek

Four Seasons in a Life said...

Greetings Mary,

I can very much identify with what you have written. I myself have boxes of art material, ephemeral, old books and more. Now the garage has become a storage place and can no longer serve as a studio until I clean out.

There is also fear of messing up and losing the collage and special ephemeral material and so nothing gets made. Conquering ones fear is like climbing Mt Everest.

Wishing you a wonderful Sunday,
Egmont

artfulzebra said...

I just SO know what you mean, Mary, there can't many artists who have never felt this way at some time or another. I know every trick in the book to prevent myself going in my studio even when it's the thing I most want/have to do. Just go in there, take that first step, just start. I love your work, go do it!

notmassproduced said...

yeah just go in there and do it...it looks like what comes out is is wonderful to me but even if it wasn't it wouldnt matter. nice to meet you. k:o)

amygrennell said...

Love these! So cool looking. There are times that you won't create a whole lot of "art" in general terms but that's the time you can do other things and then it will come out of you after awhile again. Sort of like a storage period and then you move it out! :)